It is as if from the moment we emerge from our mothers’ wombs, and are ogled by the excited standers by, our paths are pre-defined based solely upon the contents there betwixt our legs. The words “it’s a boy” or “it’s a girl” are just the beginning of the gender choices being made for us. From there on out, people bombard male babies with blue, cars, army toys, tools; along with them, expectations of power, strength, brutality, and “manliness”, while we smother female babies in pink, frills, princesses, flowers, butterflies; along with them, expectations of softness, prettiness, fragility, and “girliness”.
My mother talks endlessly about how “pretty” I was as a small child; how she would completely cover me from head to toe in “beautiful” pink frills. From a frilly pram, to frilly pants, I was the ultimate “girl”. I was told how a girl should act, what a girl should play, what a girl should do. I was given fluffy pink pens and Barbie dolls. But look at me now, and you’ll see quite the opposite. I thrive on “masculine” aesthetics and expression. I choose to cover my body in tattoos, I choose to wear black, I choose not to wear make-up on a day to day basis. I like gun shooting computer games and would rather watch an action comedy than a romantic comedy. And guess what, I used to make my Barbies experiment with lesbian sex, and cut off all their hair. But I’d rather have been playing Tekken with my brother. Despite this, I am no less female than a woman who prefers the opposite to me. And yet, I still face constant critique for not being “feminine” enough. I’m bought pink frilly umbrellas for Christmas, and told to wear make-up to prettify myself for my husband, in vain attempts to drag me back to that girly ideal; that socially acceptable definition of “beauty” that is expected of me because my I have a vagina.
I have given birth to two stunning male bodied children, and I do my best to raise them with the freedom to choose their own likes and dislikes, form their own personalities without enforcing a societal construction of what “male” means. I don’t want my boys to ever feel like thir emotions or choices are wrong, “because men shouldn’t do/feel that”. And this is where I get to my point. Why should my children be forced to play only with toys and games that society considers “acceptable” because of their penises? And the same for girls. Why was I only exposed to “female” things?
The reason I felt compelled to write this article in particular is because a company I used to have a lot of appreciation for recently announced something that made me squirm. Nerd Block. A subscription based service that provides self identified ‘nerds’ with a lovely parcel of assorted nerdy goodies on a monthly basis, Nerd Block is pretty darn cool. My husband (Spyro, from binarycore.org) recently signed up to their service, and discovered something;
“Nerd Block are doing Nerd Block for kids!”
“Oh awesome! Domvakiin (our nearly six year old) will love that!” My initial reaction to what sounds bloody great.
“But… They’re separating it into one for boys and one for girls.”
Ensue skin crawling and bubbling anger in my feminist core. So, the “boys” box would contain merchandise from the likes of Skylanders, Star Wars Angry Birds, Mario and Power Rangers, along with car toys and “boy friendly” Pokemon like Pikachu. Meanwhile, the “girls” box would contain Hello Kitty, My Little Pony, Care Bears, “girly” Angry Birds and “girly” Pokemon like Ponyta. How is this not screaming sexism to absolutely everyone!? How did this idea pass by unquestioned up at Nerd Block HQ?
I mean, just look at the pictures! Everything on one is in or around the blue/red colour scheme, and the other is basically a pink explosion. Where’s the girls’ Spyro the Dragon toy, and the boys’ Eevee?
Nerd Block Jr on the surface sounds great, but it’s been terribly executed.
Why should my son be denied his My Little Pony toys? He’s proud to love MLP (despite my battle with school bullies, but that’s for another day.) and to be perfectly honest it angers me more than just about anything else that the consumer society is telling my son that he is a girl if he likes these things (not that being a girl is negative, which I’ll cover another time). This Nerd Block issue is yet another barrier in my constant battle for my son, and the rest of the world, where gender identity in children is concerned. I will not and will never tell my son he can’t do something “because that’s for girls” or tell him he should be doing something “because that’s what boys do”, and I am fed up of the media and everyone else telling him the opposite.
I can understand the reasoning behind Nerd Block’s decision; they feel parents wouldn’t buy the box if their girl were to possibly get “boys toys” and visa versa. But that is the problem! Parents, your child might not automatically detest toys marketed for the opposite gender; you have taught your child to believe that. By only providing certain things for boys and girls, we are perpetuating the unacceptance of difference. My solution for Nerd Block? Firstly, stop marketing things as “for boys” and “for girls”; just describe the thing, without applying gender to it, and that’s something I’d like to see one day in all consumer society. And secondly; make one that’s a mix of both. If you really feel the need to keep the monsters and cars box, and the cuddles and cuteness box separate, at least add the third option. Monster Cuteness. For the children that like both, for the children that might like both but haven’t been given the opportunity to know. Or even just for the families who have a “girly” girl and a “boyish” boy, but can’t afford to buy them a subscription each.
I expected so much better from a company promoting nerdiness; something that in it’s core is about being different. Boys should not be unallowed to experience anything considered female, because you’re too scared of all things feminine; too scared your boy will be a “sissy”, or God forbid catch the dreaded gay! (I feel I need to specify that I’m clearly expressing sarcasm here.) I mean, how can boys play with dolls? What if they become… Good fathers?! Girls should not be unallowed to experience anything you consider boyish, purely because you’re terrified she might like it and one day chop off all her precious hair and become a mechanic instead of a housewife. I am not saying it’s bad for girls to enjoy femininity, or boys to enjoy masculinity. What I am saying is the opposite: that all children need to be allowed to play with whatever they like, and in turn become whatever they like in the future.
There should not be gender boundaries for children. This is what breeds the discrimination and social expulsion we experience for the LGBT community, and the lack of knowledge about all gender issues. All of our battles as adults to fight this will be for nought unless something changes at the beginning. We need to help our children be the people we want our society to be built with. Teach them acceptance, teach them experimentation. Never teach them they are wrong for liking something not traditionally assigned to their biological gender.
By showing our children from the day they are born, that being “a girl” means one thing, and “a boy” means another; by not allowing them to be exposed and to experiment with all kinds of toys, games, clothing; by limiting our children’s individuality and personalities to what is socially acceptable for their “pre-assigned gender”, all we are doing is perpertuating this society where it isn’t acceptable for girls to express masculinity, but in particular for boys to express femininity. And why would any parent want to limit the oportunities and personalities of their children? Surely we want them to grow and be whoever they want; to love and play in the ways they feel happy. To allow them to be the most well-rounded, self fulfilled human beings they could ever possibly be?
Your boy won’t be any less of a man for wanting a pink pair of gloves. And your girl will be no less a woman for playing with her brother’s train set. But even if they are; even if your boy does decide he’s a girl, or visa versa, who cares? The answer, unfortunately, at the moment is that a lot of people care. But the answer should be that nobody cares. Let’s make that happen. Let our children choose their own futures. That starts by letting them choose what toys they play with.
